my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
