I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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