I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
