Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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