i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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