So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
