making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
