I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
