Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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