maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
