i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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