So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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