Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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