and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
