I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize