AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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