so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
