this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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