So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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