just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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