Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
