You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
