i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
