I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
