I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
