Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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