so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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