I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
