the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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