i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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