Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
