Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
