ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
