u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize