There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
