You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
