Define "chronic" masturbator.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
