is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All the doctor said was why
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
