shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
