You surviving the open bar?
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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