girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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