I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
