you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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