I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
