the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
