sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
