"it" just moved
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
