Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
