I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
