at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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