I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
