I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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