definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize