bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
