Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
