How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize