i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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