It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
