Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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