did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Text me some of your sweat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
