So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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