I could make wine with my vomit
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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