The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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