i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
