the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
