Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
