we have officially lost it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
