You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
