So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
