why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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