Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
