A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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