i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
