Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
