worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize